For many women, “having it all” usually includes family, children and a satisfying job or business, even health makes it onto the list. But too often, Singapore women don’t prioritise a healthy sex life. Michelle Bong says, they should. Married women, here’s how to get your bounce back.

Turn off the TV and focus on turning up the heat under the covers, if you know what’s good for you.

We lead hectic lives, wearing hats that say “wife”, “partner”, “mother”, “daughter”, “best friend”, “colleague” or “confidante” while coping with day-to-day professional and social demands. Adding to this is our tendency to embrace late nights finishing work at the office or simply trying to squeeze in some “me time”.

So when we think of the word “bed”, we’re likely to envision blissful hours of uninterrupted sleep — or if that’s just a dream, then 20 and a half winks will do nicely. The art of making love seldom factors as a must-do activity when we’re crawling gratefully under the covers after a day that seemed like it was never going to end.

“I’m tired… Tomorrow, okay?” We bleat to our disappointed spouses before our eyelids fall shut and we get some rest. No wonder we can’t seem to climb from our lowly spots in annual global surveys that proclaim Singaporeans to be extremely sex-challenged. Singaporeans rank among the lowest in the world when it comes to frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction.

In a global sex survey conducted by Durex in 2007/2008, polling 1000 Singaporeans (48% were aged 35-49, and 61% were married), 62% are having sex at least once a week (which means 38% are not), and only 23% Singaporean women experience orgasms regularly.

Two key factors have been identified to be passion robbers: time and physiology. Erectile dysfunction is a rising problem in Singapore with over 21% of male respondents having experienced it. Vaginal dryness affects Singapore women a fair bit, with 37% experiencing it.

Time is definitely a factor — the polls reveal that the average session of sex for Singaporean couples lasts 31 minutes: 15 minute are spent on foreplay, 16 minutes on sex. Low frequency, short sessions make for a lack of sexual dissatisfaction in Singapore couples.

Medical experts caution that a healthy sex life is not the only thing at stake here. A satisfying sex life impacts your emotional, mental and even physical health, and it certainly will keep a marriage stronger through the bond it creates between partners.

Says National University Hospital (NUH) clinical sexologist Professor Ganesan Adaikan: “A healthy sex life contributes to couple intimacy and should be seen as a growing process which matures with age. To achieve this, both partners must make conscientious efforts, with a little creativity and effort. Improving their general fitness and preventing monotony also helps.”

In the Durex survey, Singaporeans also reveal that in bed, they desire love, tenderness and romance; better communication and intimacy; better knowledge on how to please their partners and less stress and faitgue.

Why not start today to get out of this rut? Here are some ways:

EXPERIMENT!
Sex is a lot about letting yourself go and being vulnerable to emotions, to achieve real intimacy with your partner. Most couples will benefit from a romantic, kids-free night out. Why not book yourselves into a hotel, switch off the mobiles and just soak in each other’s company? Experimenting with sex is best done and most satisfying with someone you love and trust — consider play-acting or seek inspiration at adult novelty stores.

EAT!
Toss out that fat-filled burger! The foods that rev up your sexual engine are usually low-fat. Get your fill of aphrodisiacs. Nibble on asparagus (they contain foliate which helps the body produce histamine, which aids orgasms) or the classic combo of strawberries and champagne. Oysters are a wonderful, low-calorie treat for lovers too.

EXERCISE!
Keep yourself in good shape; not only will it show off your lingerie to better effect, exercise conditions the increased blood flow to all parts of the body (including the genitals for heightened sexual pleasure), and releases endorphins for that glorious high.

SET THE MOOD!
If you can spend days or weeks researching for your business, or doing homework for a new project at work, why not apply your skills to your sex life? Look up new restaurants in town and make your reservation. Send naughty SMS messages to your husband as a precursor, while taking a break at work. Hold hands at dinner. Have that extra glass of wine. And get home early enough to play before you fall asleep!

GO ON A DATE!
Contrived? Hardly. If you experience eager anticipation when he first called and asked you for a date, why wouldn’t you get the same stomach-warming feeling thinking about what’s going to happen later tonight? Go on and put a romp on both your agendas — that should add a spring on your step all day long in anticipation. Don’t knock it till you try it!